Monday, March 1, 2010

The Brown Couch- This I believe draft

I've always been the quiet girl. The shy one. The type of girl who "won't talk to someone unless they started to talk to me first" . I guess I've always been content with that. Going with the flow of life, taking opportunities as they come to me, never really seeking them out for myself. I've always thought that if it didn't come to me than it wasn't meant to be.
So, most people don't really know this but I'm a dancer. I have been since I was 5 years old, doing passes' at the barre in that one small studio by the air port. But nowadays I'm in a much bigger studio, and it's practically been my second home. It wasn't always like that though. I was the new girl for some time. It was all so intimidating to me. I remember seeing girls running back and forth from studio A to studio B, and some would chill outside on the big brown comfy couches in the lounge. And there was me. The awkward girl who'd stare at her phone to make like I had was to busy to talk to the other dancers. Yet secretly hoping someone would come and talk to me. Though of course this would only happen in a perfect world. No one really did ever come up to me. I guess at the time it was expected that this would happen. Again I became content with the silence. It was life, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. This I believed.
But then came the night when the brown couches weren't being bombarded with tons of other dancers. Only with Stefanie quietly reading her book. I just remember thinking "talk to her, whats the worst that could ever happen?". After I had put my stuff down I took a seat next her on that brown couch. Something about that couch seemed snuggly and almost inviting, just so comfy. At first she seemed surprised that I sat next to her, but after a while she seemed happy that I started to talk to her about school and choreography and what not. In some ways I felt that she was just like me, quiet, shy, and some what content with being this way. Once I got her talking she was one of the sweetest funniest girls I've ever met. I guess I have to thank that brown couch for calling me to come and sit down and talk to a fellow dancer.
After that night, I became more comfortable in the studio. Being able to talk to more people, and just open up and let me shine through my shy facade. Nowadays I get remarks like "Angie, I didn't know you were so cool." And I'm happy, and I'm content with that. After that night I realized that sometimes you have to make things happen for yourself if you want to live a full life. Because if you wait around for things to come, you'll just be mediocre. I never want to let life pass me by, because taking "the bull by the horns" is way cooler, and much more exciting, then letting the bull come to you on it's own time. So this I believe.

3 comments:

  1. i just want to say HI FROM CALIFORNIA! hahaha,

    when i was reading your essay & you put the part where you look at your phone & pretend you are talking to someone & that your so 'cool' haha, that part made me laugh cause i do it too!

    anyway, i really like your essay & how you referred to the brown couch. in this essay, you were saying that the brown couch was kind of like a catalyst into stepping out of your shy shell. glad you did step out, btw. you are amazing & i'm glad to have met you
    the part where you said, "It was life, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. This I believed." that was a nice transition into your next part of the essay.

    ohk, well maybe you want to tell you story more like we were there. its kind of like you were saying, "oh, this happened. & then this happened & then that & so on.." i suggest that you add in a little more detail like how many days later you did something. or how your new friends personality seemed like. like, did you think she was mean? what kind of vibe did you get from her? were you scared she'd reject you? you know, stuff like that. that would make your essay flow more & really pop.

    ohk well i hope this help!
    SEE YOU BACK IN HAWAII<3
    BYE!

    -keehls,

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  2. ANNNGGGEELLAAHHHHH!!

    Ugh. This essay made me "aww". I know exactly what you mean. I'm probably gonna LOVE this essay a lot more than others do because I can really connect with it since we kinda see eachother at the studio all the time now :)

    I really enjoy your first couple paragraphs. The way you show the reader what you do in awkward situations was great because we can all relate to that! I learned a lot about you just reading this essay and I can see you in the writing. I see how important this event really means to you and its just really heat warming to read...

    Some suggestions I have for your essay is to maybe include some more descriptive detail. Like describe the rush of girls running back and forth between studios because I know that can get pretty descriptive. like describe all the little ones rushing through studios and how loud they are ahaha (hey! you are actually one of those girls know since you're on team :) and describe stephanie. like how she looks, the way she talks, and the things she says that made you feel comfortable. i think just more descpritive some would make your essay more colorful. and just put the reader there with you because being at the studio is an exciting thing, especially now :)


    well, thats it i think :) have fun revising!

    Nikkss :)

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  3. Hi Angela,
    Great job on the essay. When I think back to your COA essay, it seems that you're really blossoming :)
    There's not much revision needed, except perhaps "tightening it up" where you can...and I also agree with Niki about adding a few more specific details...perhaps snatches of dialogue among the other girls...first around you and excluding you and then later, involving you.
    I would also suggest deleting the part about the "bull by the horns." It's kind of cliche and the image does not seem to fit with the dance studio environment :)
    But overall, great job!
    mrs s

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