Coming of Age.......Camp Mokul'ea (draft)

I resorted to my normal "lonely girl" tactic, twisting my slim pink phone in my hand, opening and snapping it shut as if I were checking new texts. Then came the occasional pretending to text some one when I really wasn't to make it seem to people that I did have friends, and that I wasn't a complete loser. But I wasn't fooling myself, I was a loner and I knew it. I set my phone down on the bench and looked around at everybody around me. I've been in this situation before, I was the lonely girl and everbody else had a group of friends to hang out with and have a good time with at this SPAM retreat. My stomach churned in disgust. UHH!! What was I thinking, intentionally putting myself in this situation?!?! Well it was too late now. The busses were pulling into the St. Jude parking lot, those stupid yellow over sized vehicles were going to take me to 3 days of missery at Camp Mokule'a.
It was a small little camp with an ocean view and the faint sound of waves breaking at the rocks and soft rustle of the trees to add to it's peaceful ambiance. It almost made me forget how miserable I felt. I soon snapped out of it when Steve, the retreat leader said that girl's may go into the lodge and go to our assigned rooms and get ready for dinner. Great. I reluctantly walked into room number 5.
It was around 7:00 p.m by the time we sat down for dinner. I was across the table from one of my room mates Faye. We had both opted for the fish and we both agreed that it had to be the best camp food we've ever eaten. I glanced up from my food and looked at a couple of juniors from my curch that also came to the retreat. I guess Faye noticed because she asked me if I wanted to sit with my friends. I thought how ironic, I thought I'd be in the guilty position of asking some one if I was keeping them from being with their friends.
"No, I didn't come with friends. Those are just older people from my church, my umm. mom forced me to come." I said trying to explain my situation
"Oh, me too. To tell you the truth I didn't want to come."
I should have known by the look on her face when I first met her. She was smiling yet I could see that she was miserable behind her facade. But over the next couple days the fake smiles were replaced with genuine ones. As I spent more time with Faye and some other new people I met, I realized I wasn't alone. As time passed and activities went on I realized that a lot of people were feeling alone and needed a friend, other people like me that often felt rejected by some other so called "popular groups". The retreat was starting to come full circle from that dreadful first day outside of St. Jude's church. Soon I was smiling and laughing with new friends like Faye, Dani my other roommate, and Trey who must be one of the funniest guys I've met.
Not only had I made friends but I became much more reassured in my faith with God. As I learned that first night in the chapel, God always forgives and had a purpose for us. I was also privlidged enough hear inspiring true stories from the people who had lived through them. I had become aware of other people around me with sadder stories than just being the "loner" all the time. And I became greatful and much more humbled by what I've been blessed to have, as some other's aren't so lucky. By the end of the retreat I had a new outlook on life and what it really means to step out of your comfort zone. When things started to come to a close I felt liberated and strong, like I could take on anything. In a way I grew up, I became more aware of the world around me and that I am not the only one who feels alone and uncomftarble when stepping out of the realm of ones own comfort. I had created a whole new part of myself, one that was open and willing to go beyond myself in the hope of discovering who I am. Though I'm not fully aware of who I am, this retreat had given me the tools to finding out just exactly who that is.